It’s been a while since I wrote something.
It feels like it’s been a while since I actually made something, even though I have spent most of the last 18 months on my Very Big Project. I’ve made crafts too—quilt tops and quilts and sweaters that still need their seams sewn up (sorry, Patrick). But, it feels like a lot of floating around.
I used to wake up, get dressed, go to work, and do work. Then I would come home (and probably do some more work), have dinner, maybe socialize, go to bed, and do it all again. I had projects and objectives…and people who were constantly evaluating my projects and objectives.
Now, I just have me. I wake up in my house, I work in my house, I talk to myself out loud in my house, and i kind of just decide when I’m done. Routine helps. Getting out helps. Talking to live people who can respond and not just my dog Lucille helps.
The Very Big Project is crawling forward. It’s “getting there.” But I don’t end most of my days with a feeling of wrapping something up—of having something tangible that I did. And that’s what I miss. Plus, building something is different work than writing something.
I enjoyed the planning phase because I got to spend my days thinking and researching and synthesizing, but I haven’t done much of that in months. I cut back my workload to one or two clients so I could focus on the project and, honestly, my main client feels like a bit of autopilot these days. I know what I’m doing for them on social, I know what I am doing with their newsletter, and the gears are just tick tick ticking. Expanding the work there would mean expanding the hours which would mean expanding the retainer fee and I don’t think that’s where we’re at right now.
All this to say, I would like another outlet. Another practice. I think that practice could be thinking thoughts out loud on the internet (for my horde of adoring fans). Writing here feels like a good start. Once I have something I can start sharing related to my main project, that will also be an outlet (and truthfully, I am probably just avoiding the work there because of fear—once I start the content marketing, it’s real and the online people will likely have opinions).
So, that’s all for today I think. Not so much a coherent piece. More just me sitting at my desk and typing words for 20 minutes to see how it feels.
Love you. See you tomorrow.